Can't afford everything for your wedding? How to let loved ones help without feeling like you're begging
The short answer
You don't have to fund every part of your wedding alone, and letting people help isn't begging when you give them clear, optional ways to take part. Decide what you'll pay for yourselves, then put the rest on one Spray page: Aso Ebi guests already expect to buy, a short wishlist for your new life, and cash gifts for anyone who wants them. Guests choose what fits their pocket, and every payment is matched to a name.
- Decide what you'll cover yourselves first, and share the rest, not everything.
- Aso Ebi is something guests already expect to pay for, so it's the easiest place to start.
- Wishlist funds let people chip in any amount, so nobody is priced out.
- Hide prices and progress, and fold cash gifts away, so the page never reads like a bill.
Why letting people help isn't begging
50%
In US studies, people asking for help expected to approach 50% more people than they actually needed to. Others are more willing to help than we think.1
A Nigerian wedding has never been the couple's project alone. Families contribute, friends buy Aso Ebi, and guests spray money on the dance floor. The people who love you already plan to give. What makes it feel like begging is an open-ended ask: an account number on a flyer, or a message that says ‘anything you can do’. What makes it feel like taking part is a clear, optional choice: here's what we'd love, give what you can, and come and celebrate either way.
- Give people choices at different sizes, not one big number.
- Make every choice optional. Coming to the wedding is the main thing.
- Thank everyone, whatever they gave.
Work out what you'll cover, and what to share
Before you share anything, sit down together (and with family, if they're contributing) and list the big costs. Then sort them into three groups.
| Group | What goes in it | Where it lives on Spray |
|---|---|---|
| You pay for it | What you've already committed to, like the venue deposit or your outfits | Nowhere: keep it off the page |
| Guests buy it | Aso Ebi, caps, gele, souvenirs | The shop, with stock and a closing date |
| Guests can help with it | The honeymoon, the first year's rent, things for your new home | Wishlist funds guests chip into |
Cash gifts cover the rest. Many guests would rather give money than choose a present, and on Spray they can add a note with it.
Set it up on Spray, step by step
Start a wedding page
Choose Wedding, add your names, the date and the venue, and pick your link. Setting up is free.
Add your Aso Ebi
The shop starts with Bride's side and Groom's side. Set your own prices, how many you have, and a closing date about four weeks before the day so the tailors have time.
Add three to six wishlist funds
Name each one plainly: Honeymoon, Rent for our first year, Washing machine. Guests can chip in any amount, or cover the rest of an item.
Choose what guests see
Turn off Show prices and targets if you'd rather guests chip in without seeing what things cost. Turn off Show progress to hide how much each item has raised. Both work for the whole page or one item at a time.
Keep cash gifts folded
Lead with the shop and keep Fold the other sections on. The wishlist and cash gifts show as lines guests can open, so the page opens on what to wear, not on money.
Verify and turn on payments
Confirm who you are and add the bank account in your name. Your page then gets its own account number, and money goes to your verified account through our licensed payment partner.
Share one link
Post it in the family groups with a warm message. Guests who aren't ready can tap Remind me and choose when, like after payday.
What to say when you share it
Keep it short and lead with the wedding, not the money. For example:
- ‘We're getting married on Saturday 14 December and we'd love you there. Our Aso Ebi, a small wishlist and everything else is on our page: [your link].’
- ‘Your presence is the gift. If you'd like to do more, we've put a few things on our page: [your link].’
Ask a parent or an aunty to share it in their own groups too. A link from them reaches people you'd never message yourself.
What it costs you
Setting up a page is free, and so is the montage film made from guests' video and photo wishes. There's a small fee: ₦100 + 1.5% per payment, never more than ₦2,000, and you choose per section who covers it. By default guests cover it on the shop and wishlist, so you get the full price, and you cover it on cash gifts. You can change any of these.
Questions
- Is it rude to put a wishlist on a wedding page?
- Not when it's short and optional. Many guests would rather know what you need than guess. Fold it under your Aso Ebi so it's there for people who look for it.
- Can family contribute without other guests seeing how much?
- Yes. Turn off Show who has given and Show progress, and guests see the wishlist without names or amounts raised. You see everything on your dashboard.
- What if someone gives us cash at the wedding?
- Log it on your dashboard with Log a payment. It counts in your totals and goes on your thank-you list.
- Does Spray lend money or pay for the wedding?
- No. Spray helps you collect what guests choose to give, and the money goes to your own bank account.
Sources
- Flynn and Lake, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2008. If you need help, just ask: Underestimating compliance with direct requests for help